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It’s not me… It’s definitely you

Warning: The following songs make me want to strip down naked, burst through the window, free fall 30 floors, face plant on to a parked car, burst into fits of giggles, choke on my own blood, DIE, go to the pearly gates, say “Wha gwaan?” to Jesus, Vishnu, and the whole gang, do our secret handshake, look for Buddha, hi-five him, have him reincarnate me into a frog, meet a princess, kiss her, turn into a prince, order my subject to bring me a computer, listen to these songs again, cry myself to sleep. Repeat in the morning.

Ahhhhh, I’m not usually that graphic but bear with me. Seems like there’s something in the air here in Toks. No, I’m not referring to cesium-137, I’m talking about HEARTBREAK. Everyone around me is ever so slightly on edge, and are teetering on that thin line between love and hate. I myself have been getting to the point where I wanted to cut a … (cake?) but am ever so grateful that I can lose myself in these awesome tracks. Apparently time heals all, if only it’d hurry up already.

Wanted to post this last week but it was shortly after Typhoon Roke so the title would have been a bit insensitive. Laidback Luke teamed up with Example to produce this gem. I was hooked after hearing the piano intro.

Grab it early on iTunes. Here’s my fav remix of it so far:
Laidback Luke vs Example – Natural Disaster (Benny Benassi remix)


***Side-note: Speaking of Example, is it only me or doesn’t he look (and kinda sound like) Calvin Harris?

Wolfgang Gartner just recently debuted his first studio album “Weekend in America” and listening to those tracks make me want do all those colourful things I said earlier, especially when listening to Shrunken Heads. I can’t speak highly enough of him in one paragraph so I’ll save it for a next post.

Wolfgang Gartner vs Calvin Harris – Feel so Shrunken (Pressure mashup)


Other goodies:

Dirty Vegas – Days Go By (Joe Maz Remix)


Tommy Trash – The End (Original mix)


I want it Deep… Red

Let’s just ignore the elephant in the room and pretend that I’ve been good this summer and posted more than once in 2 months. Right, shall we? These last few months have probably been the most frustrating, heartbreaking, but at the same time exciting, enlightening, I-wouldn’t-change-a-thing period. I’ve met some amaaazing people, gotten closer to more awesome friends, and lost some relationships that had run their courses. The things I’ve seen, Dear God the things I’ve heard… well let’s just focus on some of the great tracks that I’ve heard.

Summer Highlight: FUJI ROCK. All things Fuji Rock really. The artists, the friendly energy, the FOOD, goshdarnit even the rain and mud! Not a bad way to pop a rock festival virgin’s cherry. Steve Aoki, Tensnake, Digitalism, need I say more?
SUMMER SONIC was a bit of a disappointment after the high of Fuji but hey, dancing to The Village People on a beach with people equally as trashed as you makes for some epic pictures. Ha!

So first up, Fake Blood just today released his long-awaited Deep Red EP. The man can do no wrong with his hands and is sure to make a lot of you electro heads very, very, ahhhhhhh happy. Get ready for a massive earection. Giggity.
Deep Red EP Teaser

I predict the Deep Red track (like Mars, Fix your Accent, I Think I like it) will be played on loop on many a iPod and dance floor. You’ve heard the teaser, now you can grab it at:
Beatport or Juno Download. Clean up in aisle 8 please.

I’ve had my eye on Hyper Crush for a while now and should be ashamed that I haven’t written about them before. They released a new banger “Flip the Switch” on their Free Song Fridays earlier this summer. I’ve gotten a great response when I’ve used this remix in my set. Fist pump this!

Hyper Crush – Flip the Switch (The Drill remix)


Duck Sauce, Duck Sauce, my kingdom for some Duck Sauce. Much like the first time I heard Barbra Streisand, I thought “Whatthecuss?” when I first listened to “Big Bad Wolf.” But when it got to the woooo-ooo hook, I cracked up and therefore was sold. A far cry from their disco bangers but sick nonetheless.

Duck Sauce – Big Bad Wolf


Other goodies:
Boys will be Boys (Tiësto, Angger Dimas & Showtek) – We Rock in the Dark


Deadmau5 vs Sak Noel – What the F___, Where my Keys (Michael Scott Bootleg)


Friday Rocks – Feeling frisky tonight?

It’s a gorgeous day in Toks and it’s Friiiiiday so you know what that means: Fantastic parties and some songs that have the pleasure of gracing this page. Yeah, I really did just say that. People I really am not doing too well with this New Year’s resolution of weekly updates am I? A new post has been long overdue, just seems as if I’ve somehow misplaced my mojo, so I’ll fake it til you get off on some of these hot tracks ;)

First up a hot new party  Fucking Fridays” - I kid you not, that really is the name….. well it gets straight to the point doesn’t it? Brilliant. FF makes it’s grand debut tonight at Tokyo Salon where djs Diego, Eiko, Adam et moi will have you, well, whatever you do when you can’t contain your excitement, dance? Jump around? Or as I do, head bang? So come have a [insert blatant product placement Grand Marnier cocktail] with me and have a Fantastic Fucking Friday Fantasy come true.

Despite myself I really like this song. Pitbull is so oversaturated that I thought twice before clicking, but when I saw it was Benny Benassi I knew the beat would be sick. Less vocals would have suited me better so I can’t wait for new remixes of it.
Benny Bennassi ft Pitbull – Put it on me ( DJ Real Juicy Quick Edit)


So the last post I mistakenly wrote that Mord Fustang’s “Lick the Rainbow” was Lost in Space (Feed Me Remix) by Deadmau5. A very good friend pointed it out to me and I got confirmation over by Vacay Wave. ごめんね. I thought I’d repost because it’s oh so good.
Mord Fustang – Lick the Rainbow


Other goodies:
Wippenberg – Pong (Wideboys Club remix)


Static Revenger & Angger Dimas – Long time (Takin my time) Static Revenger Electro remix)


And one of my DJ crush’s mix of Katy Perry’s latest.
Katy Perry – Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F) (Laidback Luke bootleg)


See you tonight at FF x

Look at me! Are you looking?

I’m baaaack. Yes I’ve been incognito for over a month now and with good reason. Trust me if I wrote now what I really wanted to write then, HEADS. WOULD. EFFING. ROLL. Didn’t want to turn all Mark Zuckerberg pre-Facebook. It was so hard but I didn’t touch JanKenBPM (not even a peek) and Facebook, I never thought it possible to not even write a status update for over 2 weeks. Shock.

This week marked 2 months since the devastating Tohoku earthquake and tsunami. Japan is trying to rebuild and we all are trying to move on with our lives. Our relationships/friendships were affected in some way or another and I learned a few things about myself and others since the tragedy. A few things I hope to stick to is:

Never to apologise if you don’t mean it, especially hoping it will elicit an apology in return. Just as it also goes without saying, never take credit for things you didn’t do.

Never pander to attention whores, because soon enough monsters are created.

Don’t take your friends for granted. Make more of an effort to spend time with people you vibe with. Negative energy is just bad for your health.

Ok, so now that I’ve imparted a few gems to live by, I can now return to my lovely, winsome self *cough. Music please:

For when you’re not feeling so winsome, Adele truly brings out that raw emotion.
Adele- Rolling in the Deep (Dan Clare Remix)


Mr. Harris not singing on his track? Shock. Love him anyway.
Calvin Harris – Awooga


And what’s this about Skrillex’s laptop being stolen out of his hotel room in Milan? That seriously sucks. From what I’ve read “Lost in Space” is a collabo with Deadmau5. I dunno how legit that info is but it’s far too good to not share with you a preview on Youtube. I would have posted the track here but don’t want to take a chance and the suits come knocking again. Heard it once and fell in love.

So without further ado Deadmau5- Lost in Space (Feed Me Remix)
See you at Sniff Sniff tonight x

Hideaki Akaiwa is Top Dog! FOX “News” still peeing on the carpet

My my how the world can change in just a blink of an eye. Two weeks ago, I was pissed off that Ellie Goulding’s suits slapped me with a DMCA notice and therefore JanKenBPM was suspended. Lame. Now, Ellie who? I’ve found myself writing more about current events in Japan than about music. In my last post I had to let a little steam off and got some flak for it. I figured the ones who cried the loudest were fecks themselves. Me? Venomous? Never!

Anywho, like the attention span of a pekingese the media has now turned it’s attention to Libya, and Elizabeth Taylor (R.I.P beautiful). I guess they kinda got the hint that people were sick of the fear-mongering as they tucked their tails between their legs and whimpered “Radioactive Spinach?”

No, bad doggy. Bad! You would have to eat copious amounts in a year which would be equivalent to a CT scan.

“Nuclear Milk?”

Right, that’s it, Snoopy House now!!

I quite like the idea that this Japanese restaurant in Taiwan came up with allowing customers to use a Geiger counter to scan their food for radiation (*rolling eyes), and bravo to the ever so eloquent Charlie Brooker for berating the news networks. If you haven’t seen it it yet, watch now before Channel 4 gets it removed:

“This is really scary, I’m sorry I’m kinda emotional, I gotta go.” If seeing a few waves gets you so upset, woman you are pathetic. Thanks for the laugh.

Also to add my 2 cents, Half a dollar, too many tweets make a twat! You make Chris Brown look like a bra-burning feminist. Please disappear into oblivion with Ja Rule.

Now on to more positive things, Hideaki Akaiwa has got to be the most inspiring superhero on earth right now. Dude braved the tsunami in scuba gear to rescue his wife and later his mother, and apparently is still venturing out to this day looking for survivors. Not even John McClane or MacGyver could hold a candle to him. You sir, are a real life action hero and we all salute you. You can read a more colourful description of his story at Badassoftheweek.

Also, it’s notable to mention the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia) who went into action “opening their offices to those stranded in Tokyo, and shipping food, water, and blankets to the devastated areas in two-ton trucks and whatever vehicles they could get moving.” It’s comforting to know that the worst of times can bring out the best in people (even if they are considered the worst of people). Did that make sense? Some have speculated that it’s all part of  boosting their image, P.R if you like, but who cares? A big nod of approval to you kind-even-though-tatooed-and-scary- Sirs!

I have yet to come up with some songs that would be appropriate to add to my posts from here on, but am stumped. How about we end with Louis Armstrong singing (*while I exit stage left)? x

Feckless f*cks and the Fukushima 50


I’ve been wanting to post about the tragedy that hit Japan on March 11th beginning with the 9.0 earthquake that struck in the North that sent ripples through the rest of the island and the devastating tsunami that claimed so many lives. I’m angry, more like an uncontrollable rage that I can’t bottle in anymore.

Those feckless f*cks (hereinafter referred to as fecks) such as the overseas news networks who, like a pack of jackals frothing at the mouth, instead of reporting the true misfortune of events in Sendai and the surrounding areas decided that it wasn’t as newsworthy as “TOTAL NUCLEAR MELTDOWN!” You irresponsible twats who would rather keep people in fear to boost your viewership ratings and to sell papers! It was almost as if you wanted things to get worse. One report even went as far as to say that Japan could be wiped off the face of the earth. FOX “news” even used the above picture showing a nuclear plant being housed in a Japanese nightclub (Shibuya Eggman). Eggman even posted on their website “Shibuya Eggman has no nuclear plant, Our electricity’s powered only by music.”

I learned more from this Japanese video made to explain to kids what was happening than the speculative drivel you tout as information.

And you, fat cat foreign bankers who without a moment’s hesitation shelled out thousands of dollars (up to $265,000 one way) to charter private jets out of Tokyo forgetting about how good this country has been to your pockets. I don’t even need to break down how much aid that money could bring. These same bankers who not long ago sent the economy into a downward spiral only to be bailed out later by their governments. The Tokyo Stock Exchange (TSE) had to ban brokers from selling stocks for their own arbitrage trading. You fecks.

And you douches who use this opportunity to still harp on about “Japan killed my grandfather so this is karma”, you immature fecks. You forget about Hiroshima and Nagasaki, retaliation that no other country I can think of could pick itself up and carry on. You selfish brats who cry “Where is the money my government wants to use to aid Japan coming from? Not my taxes?” You would be the first begging for aid from other countries if the tables were turned, and trust me Japan would be right there to help.

All in all, I count myself and many others here in Tokyo as very lucky. We have nothing to complain about. Yeah, supermarkets and conbenis were literally empty as people panicked and stocked up like crazy and don’t get me started on this drama queen who could just do us all a favour and be deported. So what if there’s no milk, those cows up north could use a break too. I made a joke there, but not to take away from what’s really going on in Sendai, Fukushima, Iwate, Ibaraki, those are the people who really need us. The Fukushima 50 who are working non stop to keep us all safe, let us not forget them and their families. My fear/sadness/anger has now rightly returned to reflection and JanKenBPM salutes you brave souls!

If you’re not one of those fecks and want to know how you can help Japan, don’t just click “like” on one of those Facebook groups or say “Oh, let us pray for Japan”, do something:

If in Japan:

  • Groupon, they will give two times the money you send, maximum 10.000 ¥ each time
  • Here you can find various options

If you are outside Japan:

Updated***

Also a friend sent me a link that has many more ways to give Too Much Magazine.

There are so many ways to give your support <3

Bitchin’ Rock Stars from Mars… ie. a rock star, a bitch and a nutter

With all the media frenzy surrounding these men and their huge egos, it had me thinking “What songs would I use to describe them?”

Charlie is one helluva drug. “If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?” I’m not a “Two and a Half Men” fan but I can’t get me enough of Charlie Sheen. At first I thought he was a complete narcissist, but now I really am believin’ he’s the ultimate bitchin’ rock star from Mars. Love him or hate him, dude is Legen…wait for it…

Lady Sovereign – Love Me or Hate Me (Botox Bad Beats Remix) ☆☆


FUKKK OFFF – Love Me Hate Kiss Me Kill Me ☆☆☆



The Sounds – No One Sleeps When I’m Awake (La Dolce Vita Remix)


…….dary!

Galliano, Galliano what a pickle you’ve gotten yourself into. I’m sure we all saw the vid and were shocked by his remarks but I saw a sad, drunk, old man on the verge of catatonia. Hopefully rehab will help him “to address the personal failure which led to these circumstances.”

Jamie Foxx – Blame It (On the Alcohol) -FnDannyBoy Remix


What, too soon?

And lastly, Gaddafi, I have nothing to say except that you must be nucking futs. Did y’all see him with that white umbrella?

Dizzee Rascal & Armand Van Helden -Bonkers (Mark Lam remix)


Here are a few other songs thrown in for good measure:
Rihanna vs. Iron Maiden – Fear of The Rockstar 101 (DJs From Mars Remix)


Voltronixx – Quit your bitchin (Bazuco Remix)


Any closing words Charlie?

“I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars. … You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

Couldn’t have said it any better myself x

Exclusive: Two Door Cinema Club Flexin’ in Toks

Yeah yeah I know, I missed out on posting “Friday Rocks” but here’s some music from the Two Door Cinema Club who will have an exclusive dj set at Velours tonight. Isn’t Kitsuné awesome? Some of my fav artists are signed to them. And guess what, HELLO KL!TTY plays right before the indie-rock lads (ow!).

Super excited, but we start pretty early (@ 11) so this post will be on the short side. So what I can’t give you in words tonight, I’ll make up for in deeds, starting off with my fav song of Two Door Cinema Club and the remix. Enjoy x

What You Know (Nighty Max remix) ♥♥♥


What You Know (LightsoverLA Remix)


I Can Talk (French Horn Rebellion remix)


Undercover Martyn Flexin’ It (Passion Pit Remix) ♥♥


Born This Way: Don’t be a Drag, just be a Queen

My God, isn’t this pic just frikkin awesome? Think of it as a post Valentine gift from me <3.

I’m sure by now you’ve all heard Lady Gaga’s new single “Born this Way”, from her upcoming album which is probably the most anticipated album of 2011. I assure you, it will be dissected and critiqued ad nauseum, but that won’t stop me from adding my 2 cents.

So, does it work? Honestly, I got a bit bored the first 20 secs in. I read someone tweet “it already sounds like a tired David Guetta throwaway” and I found myself chuckling in agreement. I suspect “Born this Way” won’t age as gracefully as some of her other songs BUT I did feel the same way the first time I heard Paparazzi, so it still is early days.

Inevitably, when you’re as famous as Gaga, you will be compared to other singers. Remember the whole Christina Aguilera debacle? Yeah, I know Christina who? And there’s also the whole Grace Jones‘ outrageous style copied, blah, blah, let’s get back to the music. (Love you Grace Jones!) Obviously, the great queen Madge is the icon most pointed to. “Born This Way” is eerily evocative of Madonna’s “Express Yourself” + (insert whatever here) since its premiere. Not that this is necessarily tragic BUT if you’re going to hype your song as the new gay anthem (that could dethrone “I Will Survive“) then ehhh, it doesn’t quite work in that sense.

The message, on the other hand, does work. One of the reasons I loved Gaga is because she’s always been an outspoken advocate for gay rights. I wouldn’t say this is the ultimate gay anthem, more an anthem for all minorities. The lyrics are honest, she knows how to create a solid pop song with a big hook. Until the music video, or the next single drops, “Born This Way” will be played to death in clubs and will be belted out at gay pride parades throughout the year. Nichome anyone?

Lady Gaga – Born This Way (DrewG Brian Cua Dirty Pop Remix)


Lady Gaga – Born This Way to Feel The Music (DJ Tristan Jaxx You’re A Queen Mix)


What do you think? Any anthems you’d like me to post? Leave your comments below.

Die Antwoord: One night Zef in Tokyo

I’m not going to lie, these people kinda scare me. Yep, and they’re here in Tokyo!

Whether you’ve heard of Die Antwoord in 2009 when they blew up the blogosphere or more recently, I’m pretty sure they made quite an impression on you, to put it lightly. I think my exact thoughts when watching Evil Boy was “There are way too many penises up in this video!”

See what ah mean? Love them or hate them, or maybe you’re like me and you don’t quite know how to feel about them, this South African rap-rave group is on some next level $hit. “The Answer” as it translates from Afrikaan, is made up of Ninja (born Watkin Tudor Jones), Yo-Landi Vi$$er and DJ Hi-Tek. Watch their video Zef Side as it shows a sample of their work in a kinda part interview, part song mockumentary. It’s just so hilarious because it’s just sooooo bloody trashy! Beware, as once again, there’s more penis flailing about.


My fav bit:
“-so….what does [Die Antwoord] mean?
-the answer
-answer to what?
-whatever man…fuck”

But wait… There’s more! As mentioned in the last post, HELLO KL!TTY will have the pleasure of spinning with them tonight at Ninja (Die Antwoord) @ Trump Room. We’ll be doing our best to Zef it up! It’s going to be fokkin crazy tonight with the likes of Trippple Nippplez, The Pitchoun Allstar djz, and more…


Here are a few remixes to their songs*
Die Antwoord – Beat boy (The Bobby6killers & Guerilla Speakerz remix)


Die Antwoord – Zef Side (Slap in the Bass vs Paranoid- Androidz rerun)

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